Guerin to 3D Print Students to Use the Guerin


Noah Cohen


The Guerin Family Institute has been a beacon of the future of innovation ever since its creation at the beginning of last year. Unfortunately, the staff of the Guerin have been disappointed with the lackluster attendance rate of students. While few have ventured into the mystical room of expensive toys and oddly shaped items, we at The Roar sent our top reporters to investigate the unknown terrain of Milken’s campus. When reporters got to the scene, they found it completely empty, covered in dust, with the 3D printers aimlessly printing something that no one will ever use. They thought at first that they saw signs of life, but quickly realized that it was only, in fact, a $300,000 Roomba that kept hitting a wall, bored with the lack of things to clean.

In an effort to increase student use, the Milken administration is proud to announce a new effort to finally make the Guerin the bustling hub of knowledge that it was meant to be. For the next few weeks, the 3D printers in the Guerin will be used solely to print students to use the Guerin. No, not real students silly goose: 3D carbon fiber models that will stand mid action throughout the Guerin. The hope is that students will see that the Guerin has become the new “cool” place and will join in the fun. “Monkey see, monkey do” is the name of the theory. While our reporters searched tirelessly for a student to comment on the new action, no student seemed to have any knowledge of the Guerin at all. Only time will tell whether or not the new action will be a success.

Artistic Renderings of Possible Robotic Student Designs: