Every year, Milken seniors take a trip to Big Bear, California, to ski with friends, study for math classes, and participate in Shavat Vayinafash activities. Certain administrators were concerned about the trip from the start of the school year because of some students’ inability to ski properly.

One student, who wishes to remain anonymous, posted highlights from his trip on TikTok, and then his top-choice college, the University of Michigan, denied him admission.

The student wrote about his love and passion for Judaism and Kehillah (community) in his personal essay to the college. The TikTok revealed a montage of events from that weekend, which depicted the polar opposite. The student filmed himself eating bacon, and a late-night cheeseburger in the first clip. In the second clip, the student threw his Talit down a snowy mountain because it didn’t match his ski gear. He also filmed himself screaming, “Beit Midrash is a cult!” while burning a turquoise Beit-Midrash hoodie. Another clip showed the student screaming on FaceTime at Leigh Orloff, the Milken mart manager because he was having hallucinations of people dressed as breakfast burritos and thought Ms. Orloff could help him.

The University of Michigan was taken aback when they discovered his personal essay was completely false, and they were even more upset because they discovered the student’s lies through a social media post.

This is not the first time this student has faced disciplinary action. Since the beginning of the school year, the student is almost always late for school and has had a strained relationship with the transportation team. 

He’s also the “least favorite student” of Voltaire, the notoriously tough security guard at the school’s West Lot. 

It was after one heated exchange that Voltaire finally broke. The student arrived 20 minutes late to the West Lot, speeding in at 30 miles per hour, and crashed into Voltaire’s brand new car.

“I despise him so much. My car is gone forever,” Voltaire said. “I decided to send the TikTok to the University of Michigan, and I have not regretted my decision.”

Mr. Gibert was also seen on the trip with his dog, Brioche. Mr. Gibert and Brioche wore matching neon pajamas and pink face masks. “From the beginning of the weekend, the student irritated me and mistook my dog Brioche three times for Mr. Lindsay. I’m glad he was rejected from his top college,” Mr. Gibert said.

According to the end of the TikTok video, the student failed to follow the most important Milken rule: wearing Milken merch. The student failed to wear Milken labeled ski clothing. If the student cannot follow dress codes in Big Bear, how is he supposed to follow them in college?

After the new grading policy was introduced at Milken, the student had had enough. On the Big Bear trip, the student called prospective families and explained why they should not attend Milken. The student explained that the school’s grading policy is absurd. The policy requires students to turn in homework three minutes after it is assigned, and if they do not, they will receive a 1% grade for the assignment. This rule seemed ridiculous to the student. and he did not appreciate it.

After the University of Michigan read an article on The Milken Roar about this rule, they immediately loved it. It will now be included in their new grading system for next year. 

Voltaire also revealed to the University that the student disliked the grading policy that Michigan admired, adding to the University’s hatred of the student.

The student also brought someone with him on the Big Bear trip. Ms. Mallor was packed in the student’s luggage so she could make him tea while on the trip. “In the morning, I was forced to leave my house and bring a Trader Joe’s Brooklyn Babka and pounds of Persian tea,” Ms. Mallor explained. 

In the Tiktok video, the student showed a lengthy clip of him opening up the luggage and ordering Ms. Mallor to, “heat up the tea right now!”

The University of Michigan was shocked to learn that the senior did not know how to make himself tea, and wondered how he would manage in college without knowing how to do so. His inability to do simple tasks was another reason to reject him.

“That was the best trip of my entire life,” said the student. However, he did not know what was to come. A month after the life-changing Big Bear weekend, the student was in math class and received an email from The University of Michigan. He pondered if he should wait until school is over (which is highly recommended) or just open it right there and then. He decided to open the admission letter certain that he would get in, but his life actually changed when he read the first sentence. 

“Thank you for your interest in The University of Michigan. After careful consideration of your application materials, we regret to inform you that we are not able to offer you admission.” 

The student was devastated to receive his college rejection letter because he had been yearning for an acceptance letter from the university since he was three years old as Michigan was his dream school. 

But he did feel better after learning that all of his friends had been deferred.

The student plans to sue Voltaire as well as Mr. Mendez, for refusing to let his rabbit, Rupert, accompany him to teach him how to ski in Big Bear. 

Purim stories are fictional, satirical stories to celebrate The Roar’s favorite Jewish holiday, Purim!