The War of Mulholland


Jordan Brenner

Staff Writer

The following is a town meeting speech, received from undisclosed sources, presented by the great grandson of Gary Weisserman, Head of School, from 100 years in the future.

One hundred years ago, my great grandfather, Gary Weisserman, led Milken and other schools to peaceful relations after the War of Mulholland. It is considered one of the greatest moments in Milken history along with the victory over the mass uprising of myMilken robots and the first ever Milken football game.

On the evening of Purim, in 2015, the headmaster of Curtis school attacked Milken at three crucial areas. The following territories were jeopardized: Hollander gymnasium, the middle school Beit Midrash and Skirball parking lot. Having had no military experience, Mr. Weisserman, God bless his soul, followed his instincts. He called all 9th graders on to attack Curtis from behind. The 10th, and 11th graders were kept on site to protect the middle school. The seniors were told to maintain possession of the upper school. Mr. Weisserman called upon Stephen S. Wise and the AJU to help with his cause, and Curtis gained allies in Mirman and Berkeley Hall. The War of Mulholland had begun.

After months of ruthless fighting, Mr. Weisserman called for a meeting including all leaders of the different schools. At this historic meeting, all schools agreed to the Treaty of Mulholland, and saved hundreds of lives. This treaty is no longer intact today, after Principal Stacey Jasper broke the agreement attacking all surrounding schools in 2037, however as you all know, there have been peaceful relations for decades, and a certain portion of this credit must be given to Mr. Weisserman. Thank you for your time, and happy Purim.