Gabi Kamran

Voices Editor

We at the Roar can’t believe it either, but in just one week it’ll be time to bust out the box of tri-cornered hats and start cranking out the hamentashen. So, to spare you the anxiety of a last-minute closet raid for nerd glasses or cat ears, we’ve put together a list of Purim costumes that are sure to propel you to the top of the ranks in the costume contest on March 14.

1. Sushi

How funny would it be to make your usual after school Sugarfish stop dressed as their best selling menu item? The only problem with this costume will be the constant reminder of how much you’re craving that toro hand roll, but Trust Me you can deal. If for some odd reason you don’t have a stuffed sashimi on hand, try strapping an orange or pink pillow to your back with a black belt or scarf. Top it off with a wasabi-ginger headband and you’re ready to go — just keep an eye out for hungry Milken students trying to attack you from behind.

2. Rubber Duck

If you’ve been searching for a way to win over the new headmaster, look no further. As soon as Mr. Weisserman sees you in your yellow raincoat, orange rain boots, and construction paper beak, he’ll sprint over to his office to clear a space for you on his windowsill. Warning: if you actually spot Mr. Weisserman hiding behind lockers or preparing for some kind of attack, we recommend that you kindly let him know that you are not, in fact, a real duck.

3. Appropriate Miley

We know, the task of making Miley business casual seems more impossible than your upcoming Integrated test. But never fear, the Roar staff firmly believes that there are modest Miley costumes out there that rock sans foam finger and spontaneous twerking. Twist your hair in two small buns, wear distressed jeans, and top it with a leather jacket — red lipstick optional. This costume is a true banger. It’ll be sure to take a wrecking ball to the costume competition. Everyone will adore you…okay sorry, we’ll stop.

4. Fern

We’re surprised that nobody has thought of this before, with Fern being the ultimate homie and all. The costume is easy – just go into your mom’s closet and pick out a blouse and jeans, then make sure you spend most of your day in the Milken Mart. And yeah, that’s pretty much it. As simple as this costume may seem, any attempt to honor our school hero is a great feat in the eyes of a true Milken student.

5. Common White Girl

We realize that this isn’t actually a costume for many of us at Milken, but for all the Uncommon White Girls out there (or Common Middle Eastern Girls, we don’t judge), this is your opportunity to live life on the edge. Shake things up with a messy bun, Victoria’s Secret hoodie, leggings, and tan Uggs. Don’t forget to leave a few extra minutes in the morning to pick up that crucial Caramel Frap…and if you have a black iPhone, you can just forget about the whole idea.

6. Beyonce — wait, we take that back. Nobody in the world could pull that one off…pretend like we never even said anything. Next.

7. Ja’mie

This is especially recommended for the guys out there. Pin stripe dress? Check. Preppy blazer? Check. Knee high socks? Check. Mary Janes? Like, check. If you choose this costume, we promise you’ll be the quichest student on campus. Even more so if you can score a couple Sudanese kids.

8. If these ideas just don’t cut it for you, you can always be a cat. Again.