Ilan “Fowwy” Chesed Catfished

Gabe Freeman


In an unlikely turn of events, Ilan ‘Fowwy’ Chesed has been caught amid one of the most epic and embarrassing scandals in Milken history.  The superstar captain of the golf team and straight A student is now the subject of a controversy regarding his online girlfriend of three years, Emily Kolker.  New details are emerging that confirm previous reports that Fowwy was indeed “catfished” and Kolker is not a real person.

The story breaks at a crucial moment in Fowwy’s high school career, as he begins his final year on the golf team in just a few weeks.  With practice in high gear, Wildcat analysts expect to see a huge drop in Fowwy’s play on the course.

Sergio Peredez foresees a season in which Fowwy will simply be unable to perform to his usual standards. “He was unstoppable last year, but I don’t think he will be able to get back to that level with all the attention he has been getting.  Kolker was his inspiration and the very reason he was so focused last year and I imagine his heart is broken.”

Fowwy allegedly met his girlfriend while on the Colorado River Trip in 9th grade when he received a friend request from a girl on his Blackberry.  It was love at first view of her profile, as Chesed immediately began communicating with her online.  In their three-year relationship, they never met once in person and instead communicated solely via her aim account pookiboo.

It is especially disappointing to Fowwy’s fans that were inspired by his love for Kolker.  Throughout last year’s golf season, he would go on the Wildcat Weekly and profess his love for Kolker before every match.  Before his championship round, Fowwy said, “Emily is the love of my life and the very reason I have been so good this year.  I will always hold my Boo in my heart forever!”

Whether Fowwy was involved in the scam to gain publicity and support is still uncertain.  Fowwy is expected to address the Milken community later this week regarding the details of the story.

On the left is the picture that Ilan Chesed thought was his girlfriend, Emily Kolker. On The right is a picture of Ilan during a high stakes golf match last year.