Wildcats Anonymous

Life Experts

Now that we have returned from Winter Break, the inevitable Tif comments are beginning to drop around campus. Whether you are sitting in class, waiting an obscene amount of time for your ticket from the Vickie’s lady, getting your #1Chava, or praying during Minyan, you will undoubtedly hear one student inquire, “You goin’ on Tif?” After hearing this question one thousand times, we have decided we would rather talk trash with Fern than talk to a sophomore about his/her Tif woes.

Here are some concerns regarding Tiferet that you may hear around campus:

1. “How many clothes can I bring on Tif? Do I really need hiking shoes, or can I, like, bring my heels?” – Please, you’re going to live in a dorm with sixty other sixteen-year-olds under the authority of a random Israeli who will undoubtedly think you are a JAP. The dorm is not the Beverly Hills Hotel or even a Marriot; it’s in the Hod.

2. “Will they have good food because I, like, really wanna lose three pounds.”

Ah, the age-old “I can’t get fat on TIF” comment. This one is actually moderately legitimate. I mean, who wants to be the girl who goes to Israel but brings the Iced Café and Magnum ice cream home to show it? We feel for you. We really do. Too bad there’s no #1Chava in Israel.

3. “Will I still be able to Insta overseas? I need to make sure I can filter pics of myself at the Dead Sea.” –We understand this concern. I mean, if we were traveling across the world to the #holy land, we would totally be worried about being able to post pics of ourselves nonchalantly praying at the Western Wall and whatnot. Don’t worry, Tif Fellows, daddy will make sure you can Insta and Tweet overseas. “Hey Guyz, this is me @ the Wall!”

And then there are of course there are the ever-pertinent LAferet questions, which entail:

1. “Is LAferet fun?”- No offense, but we find this to be the dumbest question. You’re staying home. If your life thus far has been fun, then yeah most likely, you’ll be fine. If it hasn’t, nothing will change. You might just get a cool sweatshirt out of it.

2. “Will my friends change in Israel? Will they still like me when they come home?” – We feel for you, gentle LAferet Peasant. We really do. What you should understand is that your friends aren’t going to live in a third-world country for three years, but are rather going to the #homeland for some hefty chocolate and Kiddush wine for just four months. Unless your friends are like @Fowwy Chesed, they should be fine.

After analyzing these questions, we concluded that Tif actually supplies the most adversity many Wildcats will face throughout their four years of high school. Between worrying about closet space and having to actually do laundry (No we’re totally kidding, there’s dry cleaning), these students definitely have it hard. But as they say in the old country, “Bhaztlaha,” sophmores!” Though we will miss you, we will cherish this time that you all are gone- a time when the salad bar line will be shorter, and we won’t have to wait two years for our #1Chava. In the words of the great scholar Jerry Martin, “Goodbye ferrets!”

It’s been real.