As the dry, stiff air and perfect 70-degree weather of Los Angeles stay stagnant throughout the year, we Angelinos look to our charming Trader Joe’s for a seasonal sign of life. The season of Fall, specifically, frames the homey store in deep autumn colors, and new items with pumpkin, nutmeg, and cinnamon line the shelves. In a selfless act of courage and determination, I, your favorite Editor-in-Chief, took it upon myself to taste as many Trader Joe’s items as the Milken Roar budget could allow and rate them for your satisfaction. Each item was scored out of ten based on taste, fallness, presentation, and creativity, and was then averaged for a final and conclusive rating.
Although the heavy lifting (eating) was mostly done by myself (a selfless act), I did have some help from our experts:
Individual Rankings:
Caramel Apple Mochi
On initial inspection, Trader Joe’s Caramel Apple Mochi seemed promising; unfortunately, it was the absolute opposite. The off-putting drab yellow color of the rice dough caused hesitation – the taste, however, proved enough to throw the yellow ball of lies out the window. GROSS.
Pumpkin Spice Rooibos
The absolute Cinderella vibes sent me spiraling, and the awesome blend of sweet subtle pumpkin spice and Rooibos offers the perfect drink for a Gilmore Girls-viewing.
Salted Maple Ice Cream
The nostalgic notes of Maple Syrup and the adorable design on the pint comfort me. But just like Maple Syrup, it can taste slightly overpowering after a few bites: too much sugar, not enough salt.
Mini Maple Marshmallows
The little puffs peaking through the cut-out Maple leaves are the highlight of Trader Joe’s Mini Maple Marshmallows. The maple flavor is barely noticeable and just feels like a downgraded marshmallow.
Pumpkin Spiced Teeny Tiny Pretzels
These teeny tiny bundles of joy are the perfect snack to make you long for the picturesque autumn foliage that lines the East Coast: a crowd pleaser.
Pumpkin Butter
Gives Fall vibes, overwhelmingly. Would be awesome on pancakes, waffles or french toast.
Cinnamon Bun Spread
*I am not including a picture to avoid the risk of gagging viewers*
Literally just over sweetened margarine with a sprinkle of cinnamon. So revolting I don’t want to talk about it anymore.
Maple & Sea Salt Kettle Popcorn
Unbelievably good kettle corn with hints of caramel and maple.
Spiced Cider
I only have two thoughts: (1) YUM! (2) Adam and Eve is that you?
Apple Cider Donuts
Entenmann’s powdered donuts with a subtle cinnamon apple flavor
Apple Cinnamon Buns
These mouthwatering perfectly sweet Apple Cinnamon Buns are the definition of Autumnal and very shareable.
Harvest Chocolate Collection
These little harvest treats are either a hit or miss: unbearably sweet or light and smooth. (But I want to put one in my pocket and carry it around forever.)
Pumpkin Spice Mini Sheet Cake
The cake itself is YUM but a little too sweet. Is the cake the Pumpkin Bread & Muffin Mix? Most definitely. But you know what? Reuse, reduce, recycle!
Pumpkin Bread & Muffin Mix
Makes pumpktastic muffins that are my favorite for an on-the-go breakfast!
Pumpkin Spice Cold Brew Concentrate
Don’t want to spend $6 and 200 calories on a mediocre Starbucks drink? Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Spice Cold Brew Coffee elevates your morning brew with the bonus of some spectacular sweater weather vibes.
Butternut Squash Mac & Cheese
Trader Joe’s Butternut Squash Mac & Cheese is cheesy, butternut squash-y, and comforting, all the ingredients for a perfect Fall meal.
