It all began on an ill-fated morning in early March. Ms. Guth, Milken’s sternest History teacher, wrote the Exam.net code on the whiteboard at 8:00 am. With a swift declaration, she asserted, “Good students have already finished their reading quizzes and are awaiting further instructions!”
Before students could dive into their quizzes, a disruptive crackle erupted from the loudspeaker, rudely interrupting the lesson. “Her face went as red as a cherry – it was like something had snapped. There was total silence,” recalled David McNamara ‘25.
“I’ve never seen her like that before,” said junior Yoni Becker.
Ms. Guth, visibly enraged, began furiously typing on her computer. She then instructed students to proceed with the exam, on which they were met with a jarring surprise: the third question demanded an evaluation of their willingness to partake in an overthrow of the Milken administration.
The unsettling atmosphere lingered throughout the day and little by little administrators began to disappear from campus.
The following morning, students drove into the school and were shocked to find that all the Milken flags had been replaced with slogans featuring the piercing eyes of Ms. Guth.
When students realized that the cluster of teachers who frequented the main steps was missing, many were devastated. Audrey Rahimi ‘25 cried, “It was tragic! I can’t wait to see Mr. Rainer’s face every morning! I always look forward to awkward eye contact with Mr. Lindsay and Rabbi Saiger. What will I do now?”
The blaring voice of Ms. Guth boomed over the loudspeakers. “The process of our overthrow is now complete, our coup was a success, and the weak have finally been eliminated. I am now your supreme leader and insubordination will not be tolerated.”
In the distance one could hear the voice of Yoni Becker 25’ screaming, “YES!”
As students attended their first-period classes, confusion grew as teachers in the Math, Science, and Jewish Law departments all began teaching History. Rabbi Shawn dedicated her lesson to Abraham Lincoln, while Ms. Minasian’s warm-up featured questions about the New Deal. “I don’t know what you guys are talking about,” Mr. Meinert claimed, after being questioned on why he began wearing a three-piece suit and insisted on students calling him ‘Mr. Churchill.’ “I’ve always dressed like this!” Posters reading “Ms. Guth is always watching” adorned the classrooms.
Amid the confusion, the English department appeared to have vanished without a trace, a detail that went largely unnoticed amidst the chaos. “English Department? What English Department? There was never an English department at Milken,” Ms. Guth claims.
At the Town Hall Meeting, Dr. Shulkind was conspicuously absent, replaced by Ms. Guth, flanked by Mr. Mendez and Mr. Painter. With a cryptic declaration of “It is time,” she announced her ascent to the role of principal, dismissing students to their next period with a wave of her hand.
When questioned about her sudden promotion, the principal intimated forcefully, “Good students do not question Ms. Guth.”
Purim stories are fictional, satirical stories to celebrate The Roar’s favorite Jewish holiday, Purim!
