BREAKING NEWS — Milken Mart to be turned into full-fledged restaurant!


Natalie Pashaie

Staff Writer

The translucent walls have been put in place, the science departments enhanced. All that’s left now in this process of rebranding is the new “Maison Milken”.

As head manager of the future operation, Fern is demanding that a proper podium be installed in the entrance of the young café. Not the new one that reads “Milken Community Schools” that can be found in the gym, but rather one with a more fitting title. Perhaps the name of the restaurant itself. Due to prior conflicts involving students entering through the wrong door of the fine establishment, the restaurant will hire two security guards who will regulate the incoming and outcoming student traffic.

The Maison Milken managers, recently dubbed “momagers”, will most likely face new challenges. They will be both managers and waitresses. Inevitably, these women will have a lot on their plates. Things have been particularly acute with what is now known as “the microwave situation.” In a secret trial run of Maison Milken, one student angrily expressed that, “It took 15 minutes for [my] Macababies pizza bagels to get to the table.” The reasons for this seemingly slow service? Well, Milken has refused to grant the upcoming cafe another microwave. When there is only access to two, the Milken momagers will have no choice but to sacrifice good service.

Another concern has been equal access for all students. The school has disclosed to members of the Roar that reservations for this café will have to be made two to three months in advance. Around campus, students of all grades have been expressing their frustration with this. Fine dining at Milken is taken quite seriously, and so despite the cafes current nonexistence, word of the new endeavor has spread, and a rivalry with Vickie’s lunchbox has already begun. The new café is predicted to be hustling and bustling all day long, and thus the spotlight will be snatched away from Vickie’s. Things have gotten physical. Food is being thrown, daily. Both Fern and Chava have refused to make any further comments regarding this situation.

All students are encouraged to support Milken Community Schools and begin making reservations as of March 15. Ms. Darayni, teacher and class advisor, will be updating MyMilken regularly with table availability. Junior David Zarabi has apparently been excused from all his classes due to his new duties as head musician of Maison Milken. According to the man himself, he’ll “never fail to deliver smooth jazz tunes while the students munch on their gourmet burritos and Japanese pizzas.” Bon Apetit, folks!